Here am I, All of me, Take my life, it's all for Thee.

Holy crap! I do realize that it has been a very long time since I posted a new blog and now there are two blogs in one night. There is a good reason for that though. I couldn’t post the one about moving until it was announced in church and then I kind of forgot to post it after that. The other reason is because I have been extremely busy in the last few weeks because I only have a week left of school! I can’t believe that I am almost done with my junior year of college. I’m definitely growing up way too fast and I don’t like that. I was kind of hoping I could just stay young the rest of my life. Well I should probably update you on what’s going on in my life. Here’s a quick over view because let’s face it, I’m still busy and should probably be writing my lesson plan instead of writing another blog.

Plain and Simple: there are three things I learned this year.

1.     Someday your family is going to change.

Let’s face it eventually my family would have changed. It will continue to grow through marriage and having kids (which is awkward to say because I am now where near either of those options) but it will grow. I’m still not sure how the situation with Sandrina will go but my family has changed.

2.    Life is never easy but God is in control.

A year ago I would have never imagined that I would be where I am today and that my family would be moving to Florida and possibly adopting. God’s plan is so much greater than I could ever have imagined. And let me tell you it has definitely not been an easy ride. There are still roadblocks that pop up but God is helping us through those each day, we just have to continue to rely on him and live to love the way he loves us.

3.    Be yourself.

If there was one thing I wish I could change it would be that since I got to college I wouldn’t have been so afraid to be the person God created me to be. I have listened to what movies, t.v, and magazines tell me I should be way too long and I’m working towards loving myself the way God perfectly and specially created me to be. The thing wrong with me is that I don’t fully love myself the way I should. I promise this will change because when you realize there are more important things in life than how you dress or how much you weigh, you won’t waste any more time worry about the worldly things. 

Embracing Change

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “Plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.”

                                      Jeremiah 29:11

It’s really easy to read the verse and believe it. God’s plan for us is perfect and it gives us a hope for the future. It’s harder to believe that whole heartedly when difficult events are going on in life. These last nine months have been very challenging, draining, emotional, and really hard to understand. So I guess with that I should probably start to write from the very beginning.

Nine months ago my family all helped out at Kids Camp. It’s something our church college group organizes, where kids from Milwaukee and Chicago can come to Gibbsville and experience a weekend out of the city. It was a powerful weekend and on the last night we had a bonfire. Sam sat by the fire talking to this girl about life and how she just really wished she could live here in Gibbsville and have a family. Well of course our hearts were touched and we wanted to help her. We kind of jokingly told my dad we should adopt her. We always wanted out parents to adopt a baby…apparently we thought it would be the same to welcome a 15 year old into the family. Well only a few months later and several weekend visits Sandrina moved in with us. She spent Thanksgiving with our family and it had been fun yet challenging. I knew that Christmas break was really going to challenge me because by being at school I didn’t really have to confront the change yet. And oh boy was I right about being challenged during that month. I don’t think I have ever been this jealous before. It has been really difficult and hurtful for me to see my dad give his attention to Sandrina when I have been fighting for it since I can remember with youth group kids and church events. It continues to be difficult and somehow I have to trust that everything is going to work out and be okay. Just gotta keep telling myself, God’s plan is perfect.

In addition with struggling to embrace this change in our family I have struggled with being single. I know that God’s timing is perfect but it just had been on my mind a lot because of close friends being in relationships and wanting that too. Plus for some reason I thought having a boyfriend would at least be one good thing going on in my life. Well it turns out God hasn’t agreed with me and like I keep telling myself that if I have to wait for the right guy to come along who is going to love and cherish me the way God does then I will just keep on waiting. When that guy finally comes along it will be that much more rewarding and special. Just gotta keep telling myself, God’s plan is perfect.

Now on top of everything on going with Sandrina and singleness God, has surprised us by leading our family in a new direction.  A year ago my parents had mentioned to us kids that my dad had this desire and dream to start a church and it just so happened that they were looking to start a few new churches in Florida. Wow Florida, seems pretty cool huh, well at the time I guess that whole distance thing didn’t cross my mind. Well that dream my dad has is coming true. So exciting and yet so scary. Yep you heard me correctly, my family is moving to Florida at the end of this summer to start a church. This would be a lot easier if we didn’t have so many amazing friends within our church, a great community and family nearby. It’s hard not to cry when I think about how many changes there are going to be. I’ve always lived close to my Aunt Gert (if you’ve met her you can imagine how hard this is for us) and I just can’t imagine living 24 hours away from her. That’s not exactly a trip you can make to go out to lunch, hangout for the night, or have sleepovers (yes we’re that cool). I can’t imagine moving away from the friends I have grown so close to since I graduated high school. One of the reasons I decided to go to Hope was because it was still pretty close to home….well that’s about to change. But I keep reminding myself that God provides and continues to show us how.

My awesome, wise, and witty brother has decided to come to Hope and I seriously could not be more thankful. He has been such a blessing in my life and such a great role model for me. Having him here for my last year (scary) is going to be so much fun. My roommate and I already decided that we’re going to every single one of his home football games and yell stupid things that he will hope not to hear. I’m not sure what’s going to happen with Sandrina but I just have a really good feeling that it’s all going to work out. God doesn’t give us more than we can handle and I know that will remain true. I do understand now that it doesn’t always mean it’s going to be easy breezy. As for being single, I know that it’s going to take a really unique and special guy to be with me.  So I guess I can wait.

To finish this blog I want to leave you with a few words and a song.

The song is Before the Morning by Josh Wilson. Sam had me listen to it the other day and it couldn’t be more fitting for what we have been going through. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=New8i_eX3x8

The words I want to leave with are from Romans 8:28 and it says this,

“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”

Patience

So you know how you look back at something you wrote in middle school and you just keep laughing at how ridiculous you were when you actually thought you were really cool? I just experienced that. I have just spent two hours on myspace looking at the stupid pictures I thought I looked “hot” in and the image I was trying to portray. Ridiculous. But I guess that is part of middle school. I think that’s where it starts at least. When you start realizing you care what you look like, what you wear, if your hair is frizzy or glued down to your head. (horrible middle school fashion at the time). And from that point on beauty and image just become part of your everyday life. Stupid middle school. Middle school boys weren’t even cute at that stage. Seriously, go back to a year book and look at how awkward everyone looks. J So this whole myspace and image incident, what has come of it?

I don’t know. I wrote this last night and tonight I just have no clue where I was going with that. But I do know that tonight I was reminded again that God created me in his perfect image. It doesn’t matter if there isn’t a single guy at Hope College, land of pretty skinny girls, good looking guys and RELATIONSHIPS, that doesn’t think I’m attractive because there is some guy out there will cherish me as much as God does. And that guy will be worth the painful wait. 

Growing Up

So this week has been a bit of an emotional roller coaster for me. Okay when I say this week I mean the last two days.  Sunday afternoon I did not want to go back to Hope because all I wanted to do was stay at home and be with my family.  I knew that the next four weeks would happen all too quick and I had way too much to do in that little time. Majorly stressed out after spring break, which didn’t leave me feeling ready to conquer the rest of the semester, I hadn’t back to my house on campus. Sunday night I cried. All I could do was cry and think about everything that I had to do, all the changes that were going on, and how much I missed my whole family. Monday morning I went to class and chapel and then cried on the phone to my mom. Once again I was thinking of all those same things and other things that were brought up again. I had the afternoon to do homework and took a little nap and then journeyed over to my next class. I cried in class, for a completely different reason than any already stated. But when I left that class there was one thing that told me I was going to be okay.

Saturday, March 19, one of my professors passed away. She was in her early 30’s and pregnant with her first child. She died after suffering complications due to premature childbirth. Her baby boy Solomon is still living and still in the hospital getting stronger each day.

Professor Young was one of the craziest professors I ever had. She had more energy and joy on her worst day than I had on my best. She didn’t have an inside voice and she rarely ever stopped talking. She taught my more about myself in one chaotic, unorganized class than any of my other profs. And if there is one thing she taught me it is always be thankful for what we have.

I have been complaining and worried about what my life is going to be like these last couple of weeks: where will I live when I graduate? Will I be able to find a teaching job? Will I get married? Will I ever see my college friends again? I have been worry about things that God has planned already. I didn’t feel in control because I never was in control. It’s easy to say I will but all my trust in God, it’s a lot harder to do. There is a bible verse that my roomie and I have had on our white board all year that I think is a great reminder for everyone.

“Faith is the confidence that what we hope for will actually happen; it gives us assurance about the things we cannot see.” Hebrews 11:1

There is also a song that I heard for the first time this week. It’s by Matthew West and it’s called The Reason for the World. Here’s the link, take a few minutes to really listen to it. Love you all!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=swKPS9q7rMU

The Missing Piece Meets the BIG O

Blog time: YAY!

I enjoy every moment I get to sit down and add to this blog. It is so great to just write about what’s on my mind.  Now as some of you may know the title of this blog is the title of a book written by Shel Silverstein. I got three books in the mail today from my awesome Aunt Joy.  It was great to read them this afternoon and reflect on what their message was.

Lately I have just been feeling well about who I am. I haven’t been spending as much time worrying about what I am wearing or what my hair looks or if my makeup is perfect. I’m working on finding the natural beauty that God has given me and continue to embrace it each day. For the last five days I have been minimizing my makeup.  Today I started the next thing and that is not spending so much time on my hair. The straightener and blow dryer have done enough damage to my hair that I need to stop doing that, plus God has given these wavy curls so why shouldn’t I embrace those too.

So with that little update I will now explain these books.

The Missing Piece – Shel Silverstein

The Missing Piece Meets the BIG O – Shel Silverstein

You are Special – Max Lucado

I sat down during lunch and read through all three of them and although all of them were really great the one that stuck out to me the most of the second one listed there. I’ll write it up for you. It shouldn’t take that long to read but it will be worth it when you are done

The missing piece sat alone…

waiting for someone to come along and take it somewhere.

Some fit…

But could not roll.

Others could roll but did not fit.

One didn’t know a thing about fitting.

And another didn’t know a thing about anything.

One was too delicate.

One put it on a pedestal…

And left it there.

Some had too many missing pieces.

Some had too many pieces, period.

It learned to hide from the hungry ones.

More came. Some looked too closely,

Others rolled right by without noticing.

It tried to make itself more attractive…

It didn’t help.

It tried to be flashy

But that just frightened away the shy ones.

At last one came along that fit just right.

But all of a sudden…

The missing piece began to grow!

And grow!

“I didn’t know you were going to grow.”

“I didn’t know it either,” said the missing piece.

“I’m lookin’ for my missin’ piece, one that won’t increase….”

And then one day, one came along who looked different.

“What do you want of me?” asked the missing piece.

“Nothing.”

“What do you need from me?”

“Nothing.”

“Who are you?” asked the missing piece.

“I am the Big O,” said the Big O.

“I think you are the one I have been waiting for,” said the missing piece. “Maybe I am your missing piece.”

“But I am not missing piece,” said the Big O.

“There is no place you would fit.”

“That is too bad,” said the missing piece.

“I was hoping that perhaps I could roll with you…”

“You cannot roll with me,” said the Big O, “but perhaps you can roll by yourself.”

“By myself? A missing piece cannot roll by itself.”

“Have you ever tried?” asked the Big O.

“But I have sharp corners,” said the missing piece. “I am not shaped for rolling.”

“Corners wear off,” said the Big O, “and shapes change, Anyhow, I must say good-bye. Perhaps we will meet again….”

And away it rolled.

The missing piece was alone again.

For a long time it just sat there.

Then…

Slowly…

It lifted itself up on one end…

And flopped over.

Then lift…pull…flop…

It began to move forward…

And soon its edges began to wear off…

Liftpullflopliftpullflop…

And its shape began to change…

And then it was bumping instead of flopping…

And then it was bouncing instead of bumping…

And then it was rolling instead of bouncing…

And it didn’t know where and it didn’t care.

It was rolling!

I can start rolling by myself and stop trying to be someone’s missing piece. And soon enough when I’m rolling along all be able to roll beside someone else.

This is the stuff

It’s hard to believe that yesterday was only Wednesday. This week has gone so slow but all day yesterday I knew exactly what I was going to write my next blog on and now I’m glad that I have to sit down and actually write it.

So yesterday was a very special kind of day. You know those days that you can just tell are going to be a good day and then you actually go somewhere or do something but then it isn’t how you imagined it you wonder how it could possibly still be a good day.

I started out the day by waking up 45 minutes later than I planned on and got ready in time to still go get coffee. Granted I did not get to shower and I looked like crap I was convinced it was going to be a great day.

We were almost to Lemonjellos when we came upon this big puddle where the sidewalk crosswalk met. Well I thought I could jump over it like Kels but I, of course, tripped and got completely soaked from my neck down. I’m not quite sure how that happened since I didn’t really fall but I proceed to just laugh and walk to class wet. I got my coffee, went to class, even participated and then went to chapel. I was still convinced that even though I had been wet all morning that it was still going to be a great day.

After chapel I walked back to the cottage and saw that I had a parking ticket. Great, Hope’s parking tickets are 2 ½ times as much as the city of Holland’s. Well I put in an appeal and hoped for the best and continued to try and have a good day.

I relaxed in the afternoon and went to my next class and it ended early which was great because I had to leave early anyway to go volunteer with some friends at the Holland Rescue Mission. This is where the good day actually started.

Helping out at the Holland Rescue Mission was incredible. I helped serve food with some awesome friends of mine and then got the opportunity to talk some of the men at the Mission. I heard some amazing stories of these men coming to know Christ. It was incredible hearing a young man’s story. His name is Frankie and he is 19 years old. He felt that he needed to share his testimony with us. It was amazing. I’m not going to elaborate because I’ll post it on here soon. He gave one of the guys a copy of it so I’ll be able to have exactly what he said you’ll be hearing Frankie and not me. But he wants us to share it with as many people as we can. It was such a great experience.

The rest of the day was great too. My clothes dried and my parking ticket was reduced to a warning and God continues to get my attention in crazy ways but continues to bless me each day. There’s a song by Francesca Battistelli that relates to this day it’s called, This is the stuff. Check it out, click on the weird symbols below and it should bring you right to the song! J 

This is the Stuff

Awkward Moments

I love awkward moments. It’s true yes.  It’s also true that at the moment something awkward occurs it’s not the greatest but eventually you’re able to laugh about it and it’s hilarious.

This morning as I was on my way to chapel with Jana there was a guy a few yards away who Jana thought she knew. She yelled, “KYLE!” and started crazy waving. If you hadn’t just been running I would have busted out laughing because right away I knew that wasn’t Kyle. It was a funny awkward moment. No harm done.

Last night I had to watch a movie for class, The scarlet letter. ( I don’t recommend it). There was frontal male nudity and female nudity. Not to mention I was watching this with one of my housemates that is in the class with me and a guy from our class. Awkward moment made more awkward by our conversation to avoid the awkward movie.

A few days after getting back from winter break I was in chapel and I was saying hi to everyone that I hadn’t seen since last semester. Well my roomie’s boyfriend was there and he started walking toward me with his arms open. (Naturally one would think that means a hug is coming, right?) Well, it’s not awkward giving a friend you haven’t seen in a while a hug but when you go in for a hug you think is coming and the other person says, “Oh, we’re gonna hug.” Awkward moment.

I texted a guy friend in my sleep telling him I liked him. AWKWARD MOMENT!

I was just in the library and my friend farted and it smelled soooooooooo bad. I almost died. Well this table next to us could smell it too and one of our other friends practically yelled across the library, “WHO FARTED?” She then proceeded to tell everyone how awful it smelled. Well needless to say we were all busting up laughing and crying from the situation. For my friend this was awkward (and embarrassing) and it was hilarious.

These awkward moments create some of the funniest and best memories. Embrace them.