I was in a funk this weekend. Reality just hit and I just had this feeling of not really know who I am, how am I living out my daily life to glorify God, and who I want to be. I was being really dependent on my friends and they became my identity. If someone asked, “Who’s Hannah Schouten,” a handful would say, “oh she hangs out with so and so.” I want people to get to know the real me. The Hannah that isn’t afraid to do something because her friends aren’t. Don’t get me wrong I absolutely love my friends, a lot. Here are a few things that I am working on to head towards the improved Hannah. J
1. I’ve challenged myself to do a few things that my friends are necessarily involved in. The first being that I am once again involved with the Hope College Softball team. Say hello to the new manager! I’m really excited about this and to be a part of the team again even if it is in a way I would have never expected. The second thing is that I am auditioning to be a part of the worship team at school. This for the last couple of years has been a big fear of mine. I try not to doubt the talent that God has given me, but growing up in the shadows of an amazing singing sister hasn’t been a smooth road. I haven’t told a lot of people because I don’t want to be disappointed in myself if I don’t make it but now you all know. Prayers would be excellent. Prayers that I may be reminded daily that I am doing this to give God all the glory, not to perform for others.
2. In my previous blog I wrote about some of my struggles with body image. Tonight I was talking to a friend who has similar struggles and we decided that would we keep each other accountable and to work on getting and feeling healthy. Starting with just walking each day. Seems simple enough. Well of course I come back to my room with high expectations that by the end of the summer I’ll be a size 6 (with long hair J) and all the guys will finally want to date me and I’ll have the satisfaction of saying, “What was wrong with me before?” And maybe, just maybe I’ll make them feel bad for the way they made me feel. Then I realized that is not the right attitude either. I need to do this for myself and to feel good about myself.
3. Have fun and laugh. What’s the point of life if you aren’t enjoying it? Sometimes I get overwhelmed with homework and class that it’s hard to just find time to have coffee with a friend. The first thing I need to do is spend less time on Facebook and Stumbleupon and to instead strengthen my relationships. I need to enjoy those relationships and not take them for granted. Lately my roommate and I have been getting stressed over homework and our daily schedules. In previous semesters we would have stopped what we were doing and done something crazy like run (metaphorically…me running, that’s funny) to Taco Bell, or we would grab our guitars and write songs about the latest crush who doesn’t even know who we are, or we’d spend time staying up talking and laughing about our days. Now when that happens we get upset or go someone else to work on stuff. As juniors in college I don’t think we don’t have a ton of time for more moments like that. So why wait?
4. Most importantly I need to keep reading more scripture daily and praying more. The best part about God is that he isn’t only at chapel, the dinner table before meals, or in bed before I go to bed. He is with me every moment of every day and I can turn to him whenever I want. Even if it’s a prayer of, “God, there’s a really cute guy behind me, please let me make it up these stairs without falling.” He loves hearing from us. So just like a call to my parents on walks to and from class I can call on God.
“So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.” 1 Cor. 10:31
