Here am I, All of me, Take my life, it's all for Thee.

Holy crap! I do realize that it has been a very long time since I posted a new blog and now there are two blogs in one night. There is a good reason for that though. I couldn’t post the one about moving until it was announced in church and then I kind of forgot to post it after that. The other reason is because I have been extremely busy in the last few weeks because I only have a week left of school! I can’t believe that I am almost done with my junior year of college. I’m definitely growing up way too fast and I don’t like that. I was kind of hoping I could just stay young the rest of my life. Well I should probably update you on what’s going on in my life. Here’s a quick over view because let’s face it, I’m still busy and should probably be writing my lesson plan instead of writing another blog.

Plain and Simple: there are three things I learned this year.

1.     Someday your family is going to change.

Let’s face it eventually my family would have changed. It will continue to grow through marriage and having kids (which is awkward to say because I am now where near either of those options) but it will grow. I’m still not sure how the situation with Sandrina will go but my family has changed.

2.    Life is never easy but God is in control.

A year ago I would have never imagined that I would be where I am today and that my family would be moving to Florida and possibly adopting. God’s plan is so much greater than I could ever have imagined. And let me tell you it has definitely not been an easy ride. There are still roadblocks that pop up but God is helping us through those each day, we just have to continue to rely on him and live to love the way he loves us.

3.    Be yourself.

If there was one thing I wish I could change it would be that since I got to college I wouldn’t have been so afraid to be the person God created me to be. I have listened to what movies, t.v, and magazines tell me I should be way too long and I’m working towards loving myself the way God perfectly and specially created me to be. The thing wrong with me is that I don’t fully love myself the way I should. I promise this will change because when you realize there are more important things in life than how you dress or how much you weigh, you won’t waste any more time worry about the worldly things. 

Embracing Change

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “Plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.”

                                      Jeremiah 29:11

It’s really easy to read the verse and believe it. God’s plan for us is perfect and it gives us a hope for the future. It’s harder to believe that whole heartedly when difficult events are going on in life. These last nine months have been very challenging, draining, emotional, and really hard to understand. So I guess with that I should probably start to write from the very beginning.

Nine months ago my family all helped out at Kids Camp. It’s something our church college group organizes, where kids from Milwaukee and Chicago can come to Gibbsville and experience a weekend out of the city. It was a powerful weekend and on the last night we had a bonfire. Sam sat by the fire talking to this girl about life and how she just really wished she could live here in Gibbsville and have a family. Well of course our hearts were touched and we wanted to help her. We kind of jokingly told my dad we should adopt her. We always wanted out parents to adopt a baby…apparently we thought it would be the same to welcome a 15 year old into the family. Well only a few months later and several weekend visits Sandrina moved in with us. She spent Thanksgiving with our family and it had been fun yet challenging. I knew that Christmas break was really going to challenge me because by being at school I didn’t really have to confront the change yet. And oh boy was I right about being challenged during that month. I don’t think I have ever been this jealous before. It has been really difficult and hurtful for me to see my dad give his attention to Sandrina when I have been fighting for it since I can remember with youth group kids and church events. It continues to be difficult and somehow I have to trust that everything is going to work out and be okay. Just gotta keep telling myself, God’s plan is perfect.

In addition with struggling to embrace this change in our family I have struggled with being single. I know that God’s timing is perfect but it just had been on my mind a lot because of close friends being in relationships and wanting that too. Plus for some reason I thought having a boyfriend would at least be one good thing going on in my life. Well it turns out God hasn’t agreed with me and like I keep telling myself that if I have to wait for the right guy to come along who is going to love and cherish me the way God does then I will just keep on waiting. When that guy finally comes along it will be that much more rewarding and special. Just gotta keep telling myself, God’s plan is perfect.

Now on top of everything on going with Sandrina and singleness God, has surprised us by leading our family in a new direction.  A year ago my parents had mentioned to us kids that my dad had this desire and dream to start a church and it just so happened that they were looking to start a few new churches in Florida. Wow Florida, seems pretty cool huh, well at the time I guess that whole distance thing didn’t cross my mind. Well that dream my dad has is coming true. So exciting and yet so scary. Yep you heard me correctly, my family is moving to Florida at the end of this summer to start a church. This would be a lot easier if we didn’t have so many amazing friends within our church, a great community and family nearby. It’s hard not to cry when I think about how many changes there are going to be. I’ve always lived close to my Aunt Gert (if you’ve met her you can imagine how hard this is for us) and I just can’t imagine living 24 hours away from her. That’s not exactly a trip you can make to go out to lunch, hangout for the night, or have sleepovers (yes we’re that cool). I can’t imagine moving away from the friends I have grown so close to since I graduated high school. One of the reasons I decided to go to Hope was because it was still pretty close to home….well that’s about to change. But I keep reminding myself that God provides and continues to show us how.

My awesome, wise, and witty brother has decided to come to Hope and I seriously could not be more thankful. He has been such a blessing in my life and such a great role model for me. Having him here for my last year (scary) is going to be so much fun. My roommate and I already decided that we’re going to every single one of his home football games and yell stupid things that he will hope not to hear. I’m not sure what’s going to happen with Sandrina but I just have a really good feeling that it’s all going to work out. God doesn’t give us more than we can handle and I know that will remain true. I do understand now that it doesn’t always mean it’s going to be easy breezy. As for being single, I know that it’s going to take a really unique and special guy to be with me.  So I guess I can wait.

To finish this blog I want to leave you with a few words and a song.

The song is Before the Morning by Josh Wilson. Sam had me listen to it the other day and it couldn’t be more fitting for what we have been going through. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=New8i_eX3x8

The words I want to leave with are from Romans 8:28 and it says this,

“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”

Patience

So you know how you look back at something you wrote in middle school and you just keep laughing at how ridiculous you were when you actually thought you were really cool? I just experienced that. I have just spent two hours on myspace looking at the stupid pictures I thought I looked “hot” in and the image I was trying to portray. Ridiculous. But I guess that is part of middle school. I think that’s where it starts at least. When you start realizing you care what you look like, what you wear, if your hair is frizzy or glued down to your head. (horrible middle school fashion at the time). And from that point on beauty and image just become part of your everyday life. Stupid middle school. Middle school boys weren’t even cute at that stage. Seriously, go back to a year book and look at how awkward everyone looks. J So this whole myspace and image incident, what has come of it?

I don’t know. I wrote this last night and tonight I just have no clue where I was going with that. But I do know that tonight I was reminded again that God created me in his perfect image. It doesn’t matter if there isn’t a single guy at Hope College, land of pretty skinny girls, good looking guys and RELATIONSHIPS, that doesn’t think I’m attractive because there is some guy out there will cherish me as much as God does. And that guy will be worth the painful wait.