Growing Up

So this week has been a bit of an emotional roller coaster for me. Okay when I say this week I mean the last two days.  Sunday afternoon I did not want to go back to Hope because all I wanted to do was stay at home and be with my family.  I knew that the next four weeks would happen all too quick and I had way too much to do in that little time. Majorly stressed out after spring break, which didn’t leave me feeling ready to conquer the rest of the semester, I hadn’t back to my house on campus. Sunday night I cried. All I could do was cry and think about everything that I had to do, all the changes that were going on, and how much I missed my whole family. Monday morning I went to class and chapel and then cried on the phone to my mom. Once again I was thinking of all those same things and other things that were brought up again. I had the afternoon to do homework and took a little nap and then journeyed over to my next class. I cried in class, for a completely different reason than any already stated. But when I left that class there was one thing that told me I was going to be okay.

Saturday, March 19, one of my professors passed away. She was in her early 30’s and pregnant with her first child. She died after suffering complications due to premature childbirth. Her baby boy Solomon is still living and still in the hospital getting stronger each day.

Professor Young was one of the craziest professors I ever had. She had more energy and joy on her worst day than I had on my best. She didn’t have an inside voice and she rarely ever stopped talking. She taught my more about myself in one chaotic, unorganized class than any of my other profs. And if there is one thing she taught me it is always be thankful for what we have.

I have been complaining and worried about what my life is going to be like these last couple of weeks: where will I live when I graduate? Will I be able to find a teaching job? Will I get married? Will I ever see my college friends again? I have been worry about things that God has planned already. I didn’t feel in control because I never was in control. It’s easy to say I will but all my trust in God, it’s a lot harder to do. There is a bible verse that my roomie and I have had on our white board all year that I think is a great reminder for everyone.

“Faith is the confidence that what we hope for will actually happen; it gives us assurance about the things we cannot see.” Hebrews 11:1

There is also a song that I heard for the first time this week. It’s by Matthew West and it’s called The Reason for the World. Here’s the link, take a few minutes to really listen to it. Love you all!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=swKPS9q7rMU

The Missing Piece Meets the BIG O

Blog time: YAY!

I enjoy every moment I get to sit down and add to this blog. It is so great to just write about what’s on my mind.  Now as some of you may know the title of this blog is the title of a book written by Shel Silverstein. I got three books in the mail today from my awesome Aunt Joy.  It was great to read them this afternoon and reflect on what their message was.

Lately I have just been feeling well about who I am. I haven’t been spending as much time worrying about what I am wearing or what my hair looks or if my makeup is perfect. I’m working on finding the natural beauty that God has given me and continue to embrace it each day. For the last five days I have been minimizing my makeup.  Today I started the next thing and that is not spending so much time on my hair. The straightener and blow dryer have done enough damage to my hair that I need to stop doing that, plus God has given these wavy curls so why shouldn’t I embrace those too.

So with that little update I will now explain these books.

The Missing Piece – Shel Silverstein

The Missing Piece Meets the BIG O – Shel Silverstein

You are Special – Max Lucado

I sat down during lunch and read through all three of them and although all of them were really great the one that stuck out to me the most of the second one listed there. I’ll write it up for you. It shouldn’t take that long to read but it will be worth it when you are done

The missing piece sat alone…

waiting for someone to come along and take it somewhere.

Some fit…

But could not roll.

Others could roll but did not fit.

One didn’t know a thing about fitting.

And another didn’t know a thing about anything.

One was too delicate.

One put it on a pedestal…

And left it there.

Some had too many missing pieces.

Some had too many pieces, period.

It learned to hide from the hungry ones.

More came. Some looked too closely,

Others rolled right by without noticing.

It tried to make itself more attractive…

It didn’t help.

It tried to be flashy

But that just frightened away the shy ones.

At last one came along that fit just right.

But all of a sudden…

The missing piece began to grow!

And grow!

“I didn’t know you were going to grow.”

“I didn’t know it either,” said the missing piece.

“I’m lookin’ for my missin’ piece, one that won’t increase….”

And then one day, one came along who looked different.

“What do you want of me?” asked the missing piece.

“Nothing.”

“What do you need from me?”

“Nothing.”

“Who are you?” asked the missing piece.

“I am the Big O,” said the Big O.

“I think you are the one I have been waiting for,” said the missing piece. “Maybe I am your missing piece.”

“But I am not missing piece,” said the Big O.

“There is no place you would fit.”

“That is too bad,” said the missing piece.

“I was hoping that perhaps I could roll with you…”

“You cannot roll with me,” said the Big O, “but perhaps you can roll by yourself.”

“By myself? A missing piece cannot roll by itself.”

“Have you ever tried?” asked the Big O.

“But I have sharp corners,” said the missing piece. “I am not shaped for rolling.”

“Corners wear off,” said the Big O, “and shapes change, Anyhow, I must say good-bye. Perhaps we will meet again….”

And away it rolled.

The missing piece was alone again.

For a long time it just sat there.

Then…

Slowly…

It lifted itself up on one end…

And flopped over.

Then lift…pull…flop…

It began to move forward…

And soon its edges began to wear off…

Liftpullflopliftpullflop…

And its shape began to change…

And then it was bumping instead of flopping…

And then it was bouncing instead of bumping…

And then it was rolling instead of bouncing…

And it didn’t know where and it didn’t care.

It was rolling!

I can start rolling by myself and stop trying to be someone’s missing piece. And soon enough when I’m rolling along all be able to roll beside someone else.

This is the stuff

It’s hard to believe that yesterday was only Wednesday. This week has gone so slow but all day yesterday I knew exactly what I was going to write my next blog on and now I’m glad that I have to sit down and actually write it.

So yesterday was a very special kind of day. You know those days that you can just tell are going to be a good day and then you actually go somewhere or do something but then it isn’t how you imagined it you wonder how it could possibly still be a good day.

I started out the day by waking up 45 minutes later than I planned on and got ready in time to still go get coffee. Granted I did not get to shower and I looked like crap I was convinced it was going to be a great day.

We were almost to Lemonjellos when we came upon this big puddle where the sidewalk crosswalk met. Well I thought I could jump over it like Kels but I, of course, tripped and got completely soaked from my neck down. I’m not quite sure how that happened since I didn’t really fall but I proceed to just laugh and walk to class wet. I got my coffee, went to class, even participated and then went to chapel. I was still convinced that even though I had been wet all morning that it was still going to be a great day.

After chapel I walked back to the cottage and saw that I had a parking ticket. Great, Hope’s parking tickets are 2 ½ times as much as the city of Holland’s. Well I put in an appeal and hoped for the best and continued to try and have a good day.

I relaxed in the afternoon and went to my next class and it ended early which was great because I had to leave early anyway to go volunteer with some friends at the Holland Rescue Mission. This is where the good day actually started.

Helping out at the Holland Rescue Mission was incredible. I helped serve food with some awesome friends of mine and then got the opportunity to talk some of the men at the Mission. I heard some amazing stories of these men coming to know Christ. It was incredible hearing a young man’s story. His name is Frankie and he is 19 years old. He felt that he needed to share his testimony with us. It was amazing. I’m not going to elaborate because I’ll post it on here soon. He gave one of the guys a copy of it so I’ll be able to have exactly what he said you’ll be hearing Frankie and not me. But he wants us to share it with as many people as we can. It was such a great experience.

The rest of the day was great too. My clothes dried and my parking ticket was reduced to a warning and God continues to get my attention in crazy ways but continues to bless me each day. There’s a song by Francesca Battistelli that relates to this day it’s called, This is the stuff. Check it out, click on the weird symbols below and it should bring you right to the song! J 

This is the Stuff

Awkward Moments

I love awkward moments. It’s true yes.  It’s also true that at the moment something awkward occurs it’s not the greatest but eventually you’re able to laugh about it and it’s hilarious.

This morning as I was on my way to chapel with Jana there was a guy a few yards away who Jana thought she knew. She yelled, “KYLE!” and started crazy waving. If you hadn’t just been running I would have busted out laughing because right away I knew that wasn’t Kyle. It was a funny awkward moment. No harm done.

Last night I had to watch a movie for class, The scarlet letter. ( I don’t recommend it). There was frontal male nudity and female nudity. Not to mention I was watching this with one of my housemates that is in the class with me and a guy from our class. Awkward moment made more awkward by our conversation to avoid the awkward movie.

A few days after getting back from winter break I was in chapel and I was saying hi to everyone that I hadn’t seen since last semester. Well my roomie’s boyfriend was there and he started walking toward me with his arms open. (Naturally one would think that means a hug is coming, right?) Well, it’s not awkward giving a friend you haven’t seen in a while a hug but when you go in for a hug you think is coming and the other person says, “Oh, we’re gonna hug.” Awkward moment.

I texted a guy friend in my sleep telling him I liked him. AWKWARD MOMENT!

I was just in the library and my friend farted and it smelled soooooooooo bad. I almost died. Well this table next to us could smell it too and one of our other friends practically yelled across the library, “WHO FARTED?” She then proceeded to tell everyone how awful it smelled. Well needless to say we were all busting up laughing and crying from the situation. For my friend this was awkward (and embarrassing) and it was hilarious.

These awkward moments create some of the funniest and best memories. Embrace them.

Why worry?

The other day I was really stressed about where my friends and I were going to live next year. It’s been a difficult process since we tried making sure that we didn’t offend any of our friends or leave anyone out. We searched and contemplated living in about 8 different places, that might be a stretch but you get the point. Well we did all this worrying and for what? We have a place to live everything worked out AND we will be living close to some of our other really close friends. So it’s going to be a great senior year. (Yes, I’m sure about half of you just shuddered at the word because I know I did.)

            Well during this whole ordeal this week I was also loaded with homework in a two day period and was really overwhelmed thinking I wasn’t going to get half of it done. I got most of it done before bed on Tuesday and just sat in bed thinking about what I still had to do and worried about what Wednesday would bring. I got up at 8:45. That’s only 45 minutes later than I had planned on getting up for my 9:30 class. I hadn’t showered since Sunday afternoon? See when you can’t remember when you last showered it’s been too long. Well what’s another day added to that, so I got up put on jeans and a sweatshirt, brushed my teeth and was ready to leave at 9:05. I don’t think I have ever been ready that early. Well I walk to class with a girl that I live with and I was waiting for her to come down. I called up to her room and didn’t get a response so I walked up there and she was still in bed, panicked and got ready in about 7 minutes. We left the house by 9:17. Not bad, that’s about the normal time we leave and we get to class right in time but we had really wanted to get coffee before class. Well we got to the corner by the coffee shop and it was 8:23. We both looked at each other and said, “How did that happen?” It usually takes us like 10 minutes to walk to class. Well we clearly had time to get coffee and walked inside and then we didn’t know what we wanted and when we left it felt like we had been in there longer than 4 minutes according to our clocks. We walked to class and still got there a minute before class. It didn’t feel like real life. Well in class our Professor told us that we wouldn’t be having class on Friday or Monday. This was starting to be a great day and I had done all that worrying for nothing. (Sorry that was a really long short story that only Kels and I will think is cool.)

            This all got be thinking about why we should not worry so much. Of course I’ll worry at times, that’s just our nature but we need to remind ourselves that what we think is going to happen and what God has been are sometimes further apart than we could have ever imagined. What do we really know about this world? How do we know what is going to happen? It’s plain and simple: we don’t. Here’s the crazy thing about God, it doesn’t matter what we say or what others say, he is the omnipotent and with him ANYTHING is possible. There are many things that I have learned within the last few months actually that have been crazy awesome God moments and miracles.

1.      Miracle: I learned that when doctors say, “It is almost impossible for you to have a baby,” what he is really saying is, “Clearly I don’t know a God that is all powerful.”   My parents were told they wouldn’t be able to have kids and now they have 3. 1-God,  0-Doctors.  I have two cousins who were told that it would be nearly impossible for them to have any kids or anymore kids. One just had a beautiful baby girl and my other cousin who already has a rockin’ little son is expecting a second child. 3-God 0-Doctors. I am positive there are several other cases like this. We just need to continue to be in prayer and ask God for guidance and for us to be patient with HIS plan for us.

2.      Moment: As many of you know I have an awesome younger brother who I used to think was as annoying as a mosquito buzzing by my face and I would pick on him any chance I got. Well times have changed and now he’s not the little boy that I always picked on. For one of his college applications he had to write an essay and he saved it on my laptop. I found it the other day and couldn’t help myself from tearing up because of what a great example he has been for me in my walk with Christ. He has grown up to be such a great young man and as much as I’d love for him to come to Hope next year I know that where  ever God leads him he is going to be a great spiritual leader.

3.      Moment: Yesterday in chapel the worship team sang a new song and the lyrics were:

Why do I worry?

Why do I freak out?

God knows my needs

God is in control

Or something close to that. It was the perfect reminder to the start of my Friday.

4.      Miracle: I just spent the evening being a third wheel and I didn’t want to kill myself every 2 minutes. Seriously though it wasn’t that bad except the continual reminders that I remain single and will until God decides I’m ready.

So wake up each morning asking God, “ Help me to live my life and giving you all the glory in everything I do. And help me to be patient for the times when what I have planned doesn’t work out. To not worry and to remember you are in control.”